I am perched on the stony ledge - perched at a spot that arrogantly mocks her- 'Dare you touch me. I shan't move, make me melt if you can'.
With each passing minute her anger grows. I can sense her channeling her inner tides - they in turn feed off the demons she nurtures in her heart. With each roar, she spews foam and froth. Every mad rush to break herself against the stones ends in complete disintegration. Each attempt is a mini-defeat. After each defeat comes the rallying of the spent force, a strategic withdrawal only to return, the emotions once again bundled into untidy waves of ferocity.
I am a mere speck, two eyes on an inanimate rock, the heart that throbs to tell the story. The book on my lap shows tell-tale signs of moisture - did the waves that tried to maul the rocky ledge leave behind a trail of tears?
I doubt it. I think water seeps through the cracks in the ledge, soaking it slowly like the pages of my book. And before I know it, stones could struggle loose from its bondage, the ledge would turn a fickle guard against the marauding sea.
I roar my pain out, but the waves outshout me. The saltiness of the sea water droplets mingles with my tears - I now have a bit of the sea within me.
The half read, much soaked page mocks me - have I finished judging who the winner is?? The ledge has lost its rigidity, the sea has shattered a million times to be whole again. And I?? I live half soaked, half dry to tell another tale.
(Photograph taken at Mumbai Marine Drive by dusk)
very poetic but deep within the core of your thoughts lies hurt, pain and many unanswered questions. Hope you find your peace soon, D.
ReplyDeleteIt is one of those midnight musings..I guess there must be many unanswered questions that give rise to such a stream of thought....:) I was thinking more along the lines of healing after being completely smashed...of times when your anguish is a miniscule speck in the larger scheme of things..how you are just a dot in the vast cosmos.. more philosophical eh?? :)
Delete"The ledge has lost its rigidity, the sea has shattered a million times to be whole again. And I?? I live half soaked, half dry to tell another tale."
ReplyDeleteDon't know why, but these lines sort of struck a chord with me. 3 years ago, when in my first year of management school, I had a girlfriend. Well until she left me for my best friend. I was really heartbroken then. I was convinced that I would never love them again.
He is not my best friend anymore, but we still talk. I still talk to my ex, in part because she was genuinely concerned about me afterwards. If she has found happiness, there is no point in me begrudging that, even if it meant a year of sheer agony.
I must admit, in the first month or so, it was the agony of my male ego being shattered, a feeling of powerlessness.
I have found ..... affection in the arms of another. I think we are more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. And crises we think can spell the end for us we might find are just momentary.
That's what I think anyway.
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DeleteWow, Anil I love your candour.. :) In fact, reading what you wrote the first thing that came to my head is ultimately the joy of writing is when your readers relate to the emotions spoken about and interpret it based on something that has happened to them.. :) Much thanks for being a loyal reader..Look forward to more exchanges.. :)
DeleteStrange are the intricacies of mind...sometimes a seemingly insignificant event can trigger off myraid thoughts and intense feelings in you...and make those feelings your words....God has blessed you with that wonderful gift of conveying your thoughts so appealingly.
ReplyDeleteEven I love sitting at the beach for hours on end; its so colourful, vibrant, fascinating...
Jisha, your interpretations make my thoughts and the words they are expressed in infinitely more appealing..:) This was written in one of those midnight contemplative modes.. Usually I just think it out in my head and leave it there, where it gets lost by the time the sun dawns. So this time, I decided to just pen it down as I was thinking it..:)
Deletevery poetic. Loved the way you have brought out your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThanks GBTP..:) Lovely to connect with new bloggers, must say just peeked into your blog and I'm sure I'll be heading there for more than a few peeks..:) This was one of those midnight rambles, but I know it was the chaos in the mind that spilt over onto the blog. :)
DeleteLoved the way you have described the sea. Very poetic and conjures images in my head. :)
ReplyDeleteThat said, I don't see the sea as sad. Whenever I look at the sea, I feel power, beauty, hidden depths and strengths, the ability to melt things and people and go on in spite of all odds.
I love staring at water for hours on end - irrespective of whether it is a lake or a sea or a river. It gives me great peace of mind.
Hmmm..interesting, I loved that interpretation! To me, the sea is alive, it mirrors my mood and I see human characteristics in it - that said, I think what I need to learn is tenacity, the ability to regroup after a setback - though I must say, I have little idea what brought out this post, sometimes I write on instinct and I write to appease the need to write..:)
DeleteMy dear D,
ReplyDeleteAn un-usual piece from u.
I cannot recall the last time you immersed urself
in such poetic prose.
I can tell u have so many un-answered questions.
I too hope in time u will heal and find peace.
My best wishes are always with u.
Peace and love,
- Joe.
:) I'm glad you found it unusual. I guess I was also trying to get out of the mould of pure straight talk. :) I do have a lot of questions about life, but they aren't always dark or depressing. But the truth is times haven't been the best all round. Hopefully they will change for the better..:)
DeleteFirst that pic is just magnificent.
ReplyDeleteSecond, midnight musing :-) You know what Deepathy, everybody feels that! Sometimes, you are amidst all these questions, as to whay when and how these things happened, that you actually have to look out at the sea. Totally loved the post. So poetic and so deep. Can feel the turmoil.
:) Thanks Jenny!! It was honestly written in one straight shot and the funny part is the imagery and the conversations that were rolling around in the head were in perfect syntax..:) So then I attempted a change of style like Joe mentioned.. :)
DeleteOne last post before I am gone for two weeks or so. The reason I was attracted to this blog was because I was interested in your background as a malayalee, as I am one too. But I find you very humorous and fiercely intelligent and humble at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI will be gone as I am approaching the business end of the B semester plus I have kickboxing committments. I don't know if I will be here for the summer too, as I need to work long hours at my part time jobs to afford University and Rent.
Good luck with the blog
All the best with your summer jobs! Kickboxing sounds like a great way to stay fit.. Look forward to your comments when you do come back!
DeleteAnger,pain,trauma,frustration on one side and a deep mental resolve to fight back with renewed vigour on the other..Amazing personification ! Saving this piece to be read again and yet again Deepthy.
ReplyDelete:) :) You made my day!! :) :) I'm still smiling..
DeleteDeepthy , you have a way with words! You have not kept your promise of writing more often:)
ReplyDeleteI know...I'm trying..but am in the process of shifting back to Kochi..so just so many things to do, I'm trying to ensure I post at least once every two-three days!!
DeleteI actually do weightlifting more often. I am 5'10. So not at all tall. But I weigh 91 kgs, and am not at all fat.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty much the only Indian guy who is there during the sparring sessions.
Good going.. :)
DeleteA great man once said-
ReplyDelete"It is a place where you lose yourself and find yourself"
Nice ode to the sea, I hope you had success in finding what you were looking for. The penultimate para was too good.
P.S The quote was just plagiarised from the movie Point Break
Aaaah..some day I want to be a philosopher to write like this..:)
Delete