Friday, May 04, 2012

My Life 365 - Lost Innocence, Lost Memories

This post is super-special to me. I was trawling through the thousands of pictures I have kept aside that will form the core material for my 365 post-lets when I chanced upon this one. It wasn't in the set of travel pictures, but like I told you at the beginning of Life 365, there are going to be few rules and if there are rules, they will be broken some time or the other.

So this post is about a young man, whose serious eyes stare back at me from a sepia-toned photograph. I chanced upon it this time when I was at home in Kochi. Unlike my mother's family stories, that are amply corroborated by photographs lovingly preserved by my grandmother in an ancient album, Dad's childhood is rather like folklore - passed on strictly through word-of-mouth. But because he is a wonderful raconteur, who is himself in love with all the stories he narrates, he makes it compelling. I strongly feel that he joy that lights up his eyes as he talks about his growing years physically transforms him and gives me a glimpse of what a handful he must have been as a young boy. And through his words, I peek into his childhood. My grandfather, I believe was a stern man, his one photo that I have seen and that now hangs framed in my house matches Dad's description to a T. My grandmother has always looked like about a hundred years old (or maybe that is because I had an overactive imagination as a child). However no amount of the same imagination helps me conjure how she must have looked in her twenties. I guess Dad's family didn't believe in too many pictures or I don't know if any of his older siblings have any photos from those years that they don't believe in going over with us, the next generation.

Dad's childhood and adolescence were always hazy black and white reels of imagination that often moved through my head to the creaking accompaniment of a turning projector. I have visualised from his vivid descriptions the clothes that he wore, the little green stud he had in his ears as a child (he still has pierced ear lobes) and the really long shorts that were probably hand-me-downs from his brothers. To date, I don't know how he looked as a baby or a young boy of under ten. Dad's bonafide images that I carry in my memory begin on one fine day when he was a dashingly handsome man of thirty. The day he married Amma. I don't recollect the number of times I have pored over their wedding pictures and his handsome profile and Amma's demure presence by his side. But by then, he had the look of a worldly, wise man who knew how he was going to conquer the world. I have always been curious about the younger Dad...and that's just what I found, tucked away into a hidden corner of his wallet.

Now, I must confess, I love looking through his wallet to routinely check if he still carries pictures of my mom, me and my sister in it. While mom's picture is rarely moved, mine sometimes goes missing! This time, while I was checking all the hidden nooks of his purse was when I stumbled on the photo. And a freakingly familiar yet unfamiliar face looked back at me ( both sides of my family swear I am a carbon-copy of my father, perhaps that could account for the familiarity in parts too!).. I believe that is his picture taken in Standard Ten. I don't know where it has suddenly appeared from or how he laid his hands on it. Also, no luck with more of his baby pictures, but seeing Dad for the first time as an adolescent made me a bit sad, nostalgic sad.

There are pictures of my sister and I, at just about every stage of our lives. Some have been buried away never to be seen by anyone because we don't want to believe we went through awkward childhoods! Amma too has a fair number of pictures for me to piece together the rest. However, there are none of Dad. None to help me piece together more of his childhood. None of my grandfather in his lighter, less stern moments or my grandmother in her youth. They are all figments of my imagination, not people of flesh and blood, who lived and loved with the same intensity that I do.

So among the thousands and thousands of photographs that I have, stored manually, digitally and otherwise, this photo that I made a copy of with my phone camera is very dear to me. And by sealing it here with a blog-post, I am going to ensure that Dad's childhood also has a written record - it is not just word of mouth or coloured in my imagination alone.



18 comments:

  1. An adorable post, Deepthy and a touching one too!Keep writing:)

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  2. Awww! how adorable is this post....I loved it..you dad looks super cute rey :)

    I guess even our family is not a very picture wala family...the day I saw my Amma Appa's marriage album, I burst out laughing..while Amma looks goregous, Appa looked like a Madras road side Romeo with his side burns and big moochi...I was like Amma why did you marry this guy :):)

    Even we have only one picture of Appa as a child..taken when he was really small...and yaa..even I look totally like my Appa..so much that my FIL said that if my Appa wears a saree, he will look exactly like me ;)

    So there, we have that in common as well.. *Are you like my kumbh mein bichdi hui sister or something*

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    1. You know R's Mom, what I have realised as I grow 'wiser and wiser' - that our lives are unique like our miseries and struggles is the biggest myths we need to debunk..all the people our age/generation have roughly the same things to say..hehehe, but then the thing about looking like dad, well that's freakishly similar..guess what happened for Vishu at home this time..So I come down from my room, dressed in a Kerala saree, Dad looks at me super fondly and then begins chuckling..and looks at my mom and says, if I were to shave off my moustache and wear a saree, this is what I'd look like no? :D so there..that comment hit freakishly home...:D

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  3. We have this one childhood picture of Dad - all of 15 at the NCC camp in all the cadet glory. As a sulky teenager I used to hate that picture as everyone used to tease me that I am a carbon copy of Dad and I used to think to myself 'I'm doomed if I look like a boy, especially with that NOSE'!! But he loves that picture and now so do I :) So every Republic day, it comes out its resting place, and we get to hear the story of his marching in the parade and just like your dad, his eyes light up as well and it seems like he is transported to another place, another time....
    Lovely post Deeps :)

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    1. I love the tradition of the photo coming out on Republic Day...I have some horror stories of the pranks Dad played while he was at an NCC camp...If I am to believe him, his friends still don't know he was the one behind those pranks..I am wondering if I should turn whistleblower..;)

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  4. This is such a wonderful post Deepathy. After reading this, I have realised even I don't know how my dada looked when he was a baby or when he was young. I have seen a lot of photos of my mum, but an actual good pic of my dad is from the marriage album, and he too was 30 then!

    Its so different now, with the technology and the internet. Images are stored for life. And you have done a good thing here, by putting this post on the net for life. Wonderful and nostalgic. Dad must surely be glad! BTW why didnot he ever show this photo to the family?

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    1. So true Jenny that now with technology and the internet, things are different. But Amma always rues that because everything is on the net, it is difficult to show things to people over tea or coffee as was usually how things were shared! Now she says everything is in a link or an email! :) PS: Don't think he has gotten around to reading this yet!! I haven't given him a heads-up..he is usually a loyal reader, but at his own sweet pace.. And I think this photo never came up, because my sister and I live in MUmbai as against Kochi where the folks are. So by the time we landed, the discovery of the photo must not have been a must-talk about it moment! :) Or so I'm thinking...:)

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  5. My dear Deepthy,

    You have unearthed another hidden source for blog-posts -- photographs!!!
    They will revive your drooping emotions and inspire you
    to tell us stories on a dry day.

    Btw,you have provoked me to write a story too!!!

    When I write it and post it, I will link it to this post
    and credit you, my dear Deepthy, one of my most sincere and honest students,
    for prodding my memory and provoking me to pour out my heart.

    Thank you again.

    Peace and love,
    - Joe.

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    1. Joe your comments always bring a big fat smile to my face. And I look forward to reading the inspired-post..:)

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  6. This is such a nice thing to do..:)..I think memories will come pouring out..

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  7. I'm glad you like it Keertana..:) Keep reading and letting me know what works and what does not! :)

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  8. This was just a peek into the persona that you'd promised you'd write about. Waiting for more within this 365 marathon :)

    Agree about this generation :D

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    1. I assure you Amma and Dad will be recurrent themes..:) and you shall hear about my Gelf-father in a number of posts...:)

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  9. Jisha Kishore Kumar20 May 2012 at 15:03

    This post touched my heart Deepthy…I went on a nostalgic trip which I wish doesn’t have a return ticket..:P…even I looked exactly like my father...his female version…and aahhh how I used to take pride in that..…you are right Deepthy.. people in general prefer to live in a time wrap……I just luv to reminiscence on what he once told me; that I’m the gem of a girl and I was the most precious thing in his life…..!Looking forward for more posts from you!

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    1. There are a lot many more posts hidden in those various different dates that you might like. :)

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    2. Jisha Kishore Kumar23 May 2012 at 12:50

      I know.....am pretty late to catch up...now that I stumbled on your blog I don't want to miss any of your posts; also I'm a full-time-stay-at-home mother of two beautiful daughters who keep me on my toes the whole day and give me little time to even close my eyes and dream..:P...Yes, often we're not able to bear the pressures from outside and do what we really want to do. All our good spirits seems to be melting off. Our static expression become'vague indifference"...but still have to live like this - for thousands of years..!!

      I just came across your reply. So sad that am not getting them via email..:(

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    3. Do check your inbox...I have found a way for you to keep track of the comments..:)

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