And as the world says 'Happy New Year'

And as the world says 'Happy New Year' to each other...our facebook, twitter and every other social networking page is spammed with similar sounding wishes - some cleverly worded, others reading like its been lifted off a Hallmark card - its time for another ritual..

What do I resolve to do in 2012? I had written a similar post in 2011 too...Last year's post was a tad filmi...Guess that must be because I was home alone in frozen Brighton with little for company than movies...This year, back in India smothered by invites to bring in the New Year with friends, I felt much cherished..wanted and appreciated. 


So the year started well...As usual, my parents wanted it to be the most smashing year to date in our lives - my sisters and mine and in a way theirs too, for we bask in the glory of our loved ones, don't we? And post script - they said once the wishes were over, it would be great if you gave (un)holy matrimony some good consideration too...That's the big bold point on their 2012 agenda..


Ok, let's not deviate, back to the point..So what's on my list..someone on my facebook list wished his friends   saying "I hope your troubles this year lasts as long as your resolutions". Wonder why resolutions are much maligned and deemed as those that need not be adhered to. Not sure whether it is symptomatic of behavioural OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, for those wondering) but having goals and deadlines and feeling them whoooosh by me gives me a weird thrill, just like how in school I was one of those nerds, who got an adrenaline rush as I read my exam question papers even if the answers didn't live up to the implied brilliance in the former! But I digress again...

So considering 2012 is going to be my 33rd year on the planet, I have decided it is time to get my Bucket List  out of the mothballs - youth and the feeling of having a lot of time to get to the boxes on the whimsical list earlier is what got it into mothballs in the first place. For those, who haven't made their yet, follow the link I have pasted into the Bucket List and you can go add some of yours to the thousands who have done just that before you..


So On Journomuse's Bucket List: 


1. I want to add at least three countries to the fifteen I have been to so far. If I can push that figure to five, then that will be a performance that exceeds all expectations.


2. I want the motivation and will to write at least three chapters of a book that has so far been hatched only in the head - it isn't like a book that is already taking shape secretly on my laptop. As of now, it only exists in shared conversations between my friends and I. Not a word has been committed anywhere to this project. 


3. I want to devote at least ten hours to something that is selfless - something where I am a nameless, faceless individual making a tiny ripple in a massive ocean called good samaritan. If we need our society to be pretty, we need to pretty ourselves up too, not just learn about what is true beauty. 


From a ten-point list, I have brought it down to a few 'realisable' wishes. I do not want my Resolutions 2012 to be as short or short-lived as my troubles. In fact, I want them to haunt me through the year, whoosh around me, torment me enough to force me to do it. 

And as the world says 'Happy New Year' in numerous styles and ways, I say, create your bucket-list, live a little, love a lot and let's make this world a better place to live in, shall we? 


Much love,

Tackling An Assault - Physical,Verbal or Emotional

Being born a woman in India has its own fabulous set of advantages - but when have we ever harped on the advantages when you can whinge about the disadvantages?

I fancy myself as fiercely independent and capable of taking care of myself. But years of being told that as a woman, I need to be more wary than were I a boy has somewhere left its tell-tale marks on my psyche. It isn't debilitating, but there is a niggle when you find yourself in unknown territory - somewhere at the back of my head a feeling of inadequacy I'm not a man.

Maybe it's a sum-total of our lives- my small-city upbringing ( You can't call Kochi small town, can you?) dictated that I was home before 7, dress codes of what could be worn and what shouldn't even be attempted was unspoken ( can you imagine that in the late 90s, very few girls in my class wore sleeveless kurtas while taking the bus to college, and jeans was like an occasional indulgence with oversized shirts borrowed from our brothers), I wasn't seen loitering anywhere near the male-dominated watering holes of the city ( Point to be noted - its only recently that lounges and pubs have appeared, long after I left the city. Till then all that existed where those multi-coloured, garish bars that you wouldn't even turn and look at), went for movies even with family early enough to be back home by 8.30!

So what was the lesson inherent in all this? Its a big bad world out there, you have to take care of yourself when alone and be inconspicuous and part of a group when with family so as to not draw unwarranted attention to yourself. Why? Because you could never trust the intentions of the unseen man out there - he has not been told to fence his thoughts and intentions to women of his circle - just about anyone is fair game. Our ideas of morality and permissibility came circumscribed - there was even an unspoken code on which men from the family qualified as safe escorts on evenings out.

That was about growing up, When I moved out of Kochi, first to study and then due to work, I realised that the big bad world my parents protected my life from was in fact, more sly in unseen ways.

The smiling stranger who was your colleague could turn out to be your stalker as my friend found out - for over sixteen years, she has been at the butt of his stalking - messages, marriage proposals, threats, dirty innuendos - you name it, she has seen it all. The landlord who takes unholy interest in the comings and goings into your apartment by asking neighbours to 'keep an eye out'. The anonymous 'well-wisher' that my cousin has is a compulsive mailer, the spouse, the boss and family and even a few of the family members are on the receiving end of messages that 'reveal' how promotions have been achieved so fast, so high, while leaving hardworking people like the 'wellwisher' on the fringes, unappreciated and unseen.

Every day seems to require you to wear a mantle and a shining armour - the armour shined not your specification but that of the society around you. Why do we have to constantly present certificates of being good and therefore warrant immunity from having to live a life strictly curtailed so as to avoid these kind of harassment? How can others get away with passing random judgements and enjoy the salacious thrill of malicious gossip sticking on to our personas like pesky post-its?

We speak of equality, but mentally we need to be treated as equals - you throw mud, I throw a mountain back at you. Beware! And there are thousands out there. Strangely, I think my generation (in the Indian context) is at the cusp of once-restricted always unsure upbringing and an all-permitted, no holds barred adulthood.

What it leaves in its wake is a duality - of existence, thought and action. I want to rise above it, be able to debate why things are the way they are and how to tackle issues that are not of my creation nor my responsibility. How can I be held culpable?