Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Yeh Hai Mumbai Meri Jaan!!

Its 8.30 in the morning and my heart is racing. I have less than 48 hours left in the city. In 2009, as I was surrounded by crates and carton, I remember feeling this sense of panic - a mild ache in the heart along with the sense of disquiet about what could be in store!

This parting is a bitter-sweet one. This is the third time I'm bidding adieu to this city without knowing if I will be back. As a young adult of 22, Mumbai had appeared forebodingly huge to comprehend. But a career as a journalist that took me across the length and breadth of the city set me off on the love-hate relationship. In the span of a year, I  had moved from a bare apartment to a small one-room tenement within that span. In hindsight, cunning house-brokers, heartless landlords and how a trainee's salary stretched so much and no more were the biggest takeaways of this time. Food was mostly rasta takeaway- dosas, sandwiches and hot hot oily Indian Chinese and fruit plates - the dishes might not appeal to my palate anymore, but then the pleasure of  paying for it with the few rupees that was my honest sweat provide that extra zingggg and taste to the memories. A year and a half later, I left happy - sure in my cocky head that Mumbai is not for me, such big cities were not for small lives.

You never know how much a city has ingratiated itself into you till you leave it. And then, every little chink, every irritation appears minor - trivial even. The chaos of the traffic is forgotten when the memories turn mellow with longing, the ravages of rain and the pocket handkerchief apartments are forgiven. All that remains in the memory is vignettes of the city that allows everyone to claim a piece of it as their own!

I returned in 2005 - no longer cocky, a bit broken- needing a haven to heal. That's when I realised how fortuitous big city living is when all you need is a bit of obscurity, some space from prying souls and time to contemplate and regroup. Big cities let lost souls slip into their cracks and keep them safe and anonymous.

The next time I packed my bags and bid adieu to Mumbai was in 2009. UK was calling and I was once again back on the student mode. I left a happier soul, not worried about where life was taking me. There was a world to conquer out there..sights to be seen, beaches to leave footprints behind on.. I came back to Mumbai this time realising that I was truly in love with the city.

I'd lived for over a year in an amazing beach town of England, but the hustle and bustle of an overcrowded, dirty metropolis lured me back. There were practical considerations but the emotional connect was unmistakeable. I still hate the pocket handkerchief existence..But this city still smells freedom, independence and dignity to me.

I'm forsaking my beloved city again - will the third time perhaps be the final time?? Somewhere the heart sinks...I have cribbed about it, wished to move away where I can stretch my arms and legs and not have to bump into walls or furniture, swore till I was blue when I was stuck in a traffic jam waiting for Ganpatis to walk their way into the sea...I want to believe I will find my way back, time and again to reminisce about the lovely days spent here - just the way you never forget your deep love.

To date, I'm yet to find the city where my heart has set down anchor. I wonder if the vagabond that I am will ever find a place to call home for the rest of my life. But Mumbai - you are under my skin. I shall return..that's a promise!

25 comments:

  1. Interesting which city (hints ?) part 6 of Life in City will take us to.

    It is always the little things we end up missing when we leave a place isn't it. (I still miss the small town comforts of Kerala, not to mention our national festivals (hartals)).

    And on Indian-chinese food, do they make that same dish with a chinese name, which is essentially a main course of oil with the modest cauliflower on the side? :)

    P.S Hope this bittersweet adieu inspires more wordy sketches

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    1. Life in the City have taken me to more cities than I care to detail. I have been picking up my bags and moving cities on an average of once in a year and a half.. :) Mumbai is the only city that has managed to buck the trend! The next city at least as a temporary home is the 'City of Djinns' ( hint hint)..But for the next month or so, its time to head back to Mamma..:) Kochi and hartals and fun it is!!

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  2. all the best for your next station

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    1. Thank you, Kalyan! Hope we do bump into each other in some city and swap some food tales.. :)

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  3. So where is life taking you this time? Bombay is one of those places where you can share a love-hate relationship. I miss the street food in particular...

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    1. Heading to the Rajdhani, Psych Babbler.. :) But before that heading home for a month!

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  4. What a heart-felt post full of nostalgia! True, you never know how much you will miss a city till you leave it. I feel the same for Ahmedabad.

    Good luck with your next venture!

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    1. Sorry for the late reply..settling down at home, ie, Kochi is also a chore!! :) Thanks galnxtdoor!

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  5. Ditto for me with my relationship with Bangalore....

    I have lived for 3 years during my schooling in Bangalore. Later my dad got transferred to Kannur, Kerala.

    In my 3rd year Grad college, I stayed for a month in B'lore for GRE coaching.

    I was so sure to study abroad, but the thought of leaving parents made me scared and I settled to study post grad in B'lore.

    After that finished, I got a job in B'lore and so now I will become a 'pukka Bangalorean' and I have decided to settled down in Bangalore for life.

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    1. Interesting..Bengaluru girl through and through now?? :) I have lived in Bangalore for about two years...my Amma loves the city more than me, because she thinks Mumbai is filthy and overcrowded and not really value-for-the-money spent living there..:)

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  6. Jisha Kishore Kumar4 October 2012 at 00:11

    You really love the city, right?!...can feel your profound sentiment in ur words... beautiful post, Journomuse...you made me take a trip to that hill station where I spent my childhood and early teenage...where I had an intensive living, relishing the fog and the mist and the rains and sun...I just closed my eyes and could feel and smell those days....Thank you!

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    1. Hmmmm...:) :) I like fog and the mist..but I like the sun that shines through the rains the most..a bit of warmth through the chilly droplets..:)

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  7. All the best. Hope the new city gives all what you hope for. Lovely post btw.

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    1. Thank you goingbeyondthepages..:) Sighhhh..I have little hopes for the new city that I'm moving to, but then this month is back at home..I'm living it up while I can!!!

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  8. Ah I have this same relationship with Pune. So many memories, sad and happy ones. Lots of good wishes that you find a place/city where you can put down roots. Good luck D.

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    1. Ahhhh V, how cool is that you are back in the city you love..some day I have a feeling we will wind up there because N thinks that is the city he would love to retire to!! So there...

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  9. The City of Djinns ehh?? there is another nickname the Indian press likes to give rajadhani? something that is related to the crime stats.

    Best of luck. And by god i wish I was in Kerala right now. New Zealand weather sucks some major lime.

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    1. Hey, where in NZ are you?? I have been doing some research on the Kiwiland...:)

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  10. Hey you will find main aur meri Mumbai right here when you decide to come back.All the best !!

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    1. Sharmila, apna meeting pending reh gaya..will put it on the compulsory to-do list next time I'm in Mumbai...much love..will keep you posted about the future moves and travels and travails..

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  11. Don't you worry, you will settle down some place, but this is the time for you to travel and see places :-)
    By the way even though I was born and bred in Mumbai (then Bombay) I am not comfortable there now with all the crowd and mechanical life.

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    1. Thats such a super relieving thought Haddock.. I understand your point about Mumbai completely. That is one reason why I was amenable to this move.. Otherwise I would have cursed and cribbed and dug in my heels...:) I wanted to spread my wings a bit more!!

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  12. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again very soon!

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  13. Mumbai has a way of nudging its way into your Self and lodging itself there more tenaciously than any chunk of chewing-gum on a hot tar road! I have a feeling it wont be very long before you start looking for excuses to make your way back here (so says another immigrant)... for all the good reasons and in spite of all the others !

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    1. Indeed, especially as I reply to you sitting in New Delhi - I so agree that the pull of Mumbai is tenacious and how! :) And I am hoping I can make my way back sooner than later...

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