BREAKING NEWS: A TAM-BRAM LOVE STORY EXPOSED

This post happened to me...I didnt plot it, didnt think it through...And its thanks to a friend of mine, Chandresh Narayan and a really gut-busting laugh riot it produced. I don't know if it will tickle others as much as it did me..but hey, the opportunity to tell the tale can't be missed... So let me begin by introducing the protagonist of the piece...Chandresh..who at 30 (i presume)..is single and very ready to mingle...But who does he want to mingle with? Well...the world is wide and there are a lot of young nubile nymphettes out there... But our man loves UK...and someday wants to settle there and sing Lord Save The Queen in his true Tam- Bram baritone and perhaps the accent(?) while sitting on his comfortable sofa in his countryside house... So immediately, the now UK-expert me, tries dissuading him from leaving his Amma's tair-sadams and rasam-vadas for the 'land of the stiff-upperlips' by painting a bleak picture of what he could expect... " Do you want to pay taxes through your nose, and drink weak tea and have food without salt and ration the sugar?" To which pat came the reply : Or be like Mittal...( Read super rich LN Mittal...Now that means he's aiming super-privileged life, isnt it??) Just as I was LoLing over it, came the bouncer : Prince Charles also has no daughter..( Now where did that come from? Was he thinking of luring Mr.Mittal's daughter only to realise she is much married? So then turn on British blue-blood?) It did look like that, so I played a good friend and suggested he tried for Prince Andrew's daughters...and the probability increases, coz remember he has not one, but two daughters....( Thats a Daily Mail pic, by the way) But darn, Tam Bram has a problem with it.." But they won't get the crown".... So I rationalised it with grave Indian practicality " But there will be enough estate, and because Prince Andrew is not like the king in waiting or something, there won't be too many fancy dresses that you will have to go to..:) and you still get the 'Royalty' treatment.." That seems to have raised his sagging hopes, " I could be the Duke of Cornwall or something, First Tam Bram..." And then he took a dig at me...nothing unusual...8 years of being a broadcast journalist has thickened my hide to the texture of a baby rhino's ( no offense meant to those darling animals of course) precisely to deflect such jibes And the little rambler continued: " Imagine Times Now will do a story..NewsHour topic" So although my intial "hahaha" to his cheap dig was brittle, I soon remembered that I was no more a loyal defender of the Times Now brigade- I could take a couple of digs of mine... So there I went, like a good deskhand that I was before I threw in the towel, planning an entire EXCLUSIVE coverage of the First Tam Bram ( also read first Indian) marrying into British royalty.." Yeah, you can even do lives, and talk to Indian audiences" By now our protagonist is already in character thinking up his moment of fame and the big question Arnab would ask him: " Chandresh, we want you to tell us, on your channel...." and I pipe in " Using Times Now as your platform to send the first royal message to India"....Now the sports journalist in Chandresh also gets into the game...and ambitiously he pitches in for Times Now's Cricket Expert Boria Majumdar to also be thrown into the NewsHour Panel to speak about how " In 1920, Ranjit Singhji said the same thing" ( Rejoinder: I hope Ranjit Singhji's soul will continue to rest in peace and Boria won't fume at our fertile imagination) By now Im laughing hard....and the optimist that Chandresh is, he predicts " One day, it will all come true" And then the conversation takes an even more hilarious turn...and I now plan to reproduce it without paraphrasing any more...( Warning: There are overlapping thoughts and at some places, we seem to be at cross-purposes.. but honestly, we weren't..) chandreshn: Yes yes

I jst love the queen

I can say that again and again

Put it up on facebook also

me: hahaha

:)

yeah i sure shall

so that more people read it..

3:47 PM would you like to be identified by name or should i keep u anonymous?

chandreshn: Name name

me: u know you can wait for my friends to devise a plan on arranging your meeting with the princesses and then we can reveal the mystery man trying for Eugenie

I think thats her name

chandreshn: Ok

me: the second one is too young..

you know who im talking about right?

3:48 PM what was the mother's name?

chandreshn: That dutchess of york?

me: the happy slutty woman? ahhh sarah fergusson right?

chandreshn: Who is now a us tv celeb?

Yes

me: beatrice and eugenie

yeah those are the names

chandreshn: U described her well

me: ta daaaaa

hehehe, yeah the tabloids here are free and so trashy

3:49 PM they make an art out of trashy writing

chandreshn: Eugenie now speaks tamil!

Headline in the Sun

me: everytime i go to brighton i pick some up

hahaha..yeah and it all points to the stars leading her to u

chandreshn: Who's that mystery man

Debate on ITN

3:50 PM me: on bbc question time?

that too!!

chandreshn: Imagine my relatives in trichy being mobbed

3:51 PM me: super...imagine dhanya rajendran doing a live outside the trichy house of ur relatives

maybe a mama or ur thatha itself

hahahaha

:)

chandreshn: Ha ha ha

me: man, i tell u we have the next mills and boon love story

chandreshn:

The Sun buys marriage photo rights

me: and we shall peg u as the descendant of the local dewan of tiruchirappally

3:52 PM yeahhhh where u wear a veshti ( I'm referring to the wedding that the Sun will want photo rights of)

chandreshn: Ha ha ha ha

me: and she sits on prince andrew's lap and is in a chela ( thats the typical Tam Bram 9-yard sari)

chandreshn: Ha ha ha

me: isnt that what its called?

:)

3:53 PM chandreshn: Yes

me: this is going to be soooooo much fun

chandreshn: Then I am giving the trophy at wimbledon

That's another dream

me: hahahaha

:)

chandreshn: Where that moron holds the ball girl's hand for so long

As if he has never seen one before

me: yeah man, imagine kuzhnetsovas and the ivanovas of the world curtseying before you

3:54 PM chandreshn: I will insist on speaking on tamil like raj( Read: Reference to Raj Thackeray's Marathi fetish)

me: hahaha..yeah

3:57 PM ok...so we have our storyline done..and with your permission its going on the blog

and as per ur request on fb too

3:58 PM have been itching to write something funny and this conversation is the perfect material

4:01 PM chandreshn: Chal I will catch you later

Have to watch arnab now So now Chandresh and Deeps have a royal plan...now for plotting the plan of action...Does anyone know anyone in the royal family or a butler or a valet or a driver...Just about anyone who can get an intro of a nice single-ready-to-mingle Tam Bram boy to the British Princesses? If there is then we have the perfect story line for the Love Story of the century - followed by the Marriage of the Millennium ready...One protagonist is waiting...the hunt for the Princess..thats all that's left!!!!