Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Ammumma's Legacy

Today was a weird day, kind of heavy on nostalgia. I was just planning to tuck into some lunch, when I remembered a jar of pickled lemons - nothing elaborate, just lemons pickled in brine and haldi (my maid's style). As I opened the bottle, the smell that wafted out brought back memories of Ammumma...Ma's mother, who was a major presence in my life through my growing years.

Ammumma's cooking skills are like they joke 'world-famous'across Amma's native place in Thrissur..:)  She could turn anything into tasting divine and did it without much fuss. Cooking was a practical chore, just as mathematics was essential to ensure everyone in their large household got an equal share of the food cooked. Ammumma's mom had eleven children and she was the oldest. So with all the children and adults in the house to feed, cooking must have been a massive juggle. She had to take on the role of the housekeeper early in life and did it with such precision that all her younger siblings still reminsce about her remarkable housekeeping and cooking. In fact, while Amma and her sisters are amazing cooks, they humbly acknowledge that they aren't half as precise or disciplined as their mother was.

With Dad working abroad most of my life and Amma employed at a bank, we were brought up to a large extent by my grandparents. They loved living with us, I guess because Amma ensured they had the run of the house. Dad was a good son-in-law, happy and courteous to them because like he told me once, they were there to take care of his wife and kids when he needed them. About my grandfather and life around him, that has to be another post. This one is dedicated to Ammumma ( by the way, that's the Malayali term for mother's mother!)

Grandparents are often portrayed as indulgent old gentle people who always have a smile and a sweet to spoil the grandchildren. Well, Ammumma was in a separate class while these lessons were being taught. In hindsight, I guess it had to do with being one of the pillars of a large family. It couldn't have been easy doing all that she did for the family, there were few luxuries but she was no cribber. I remember Amma saying that as children they were never beaten for misdeeds at home, then again, like she adds, they rarely got into mischief. But Ammumma had a really fiery temper and a sharp tongue to match. Having to keep a temperamental little imp like me couldn't have been easy.

Imagine poor Amma's plight - getting home after a long day at work and the first thing she sees is her mother  on the war path - and that too against a seven-year old pug like me. Now were I more docile or if she were less insistent on discipline, Amma would have been able to work out a peace formula. Unfortunately, we had different ideas and an irresolute stand - much like the India government and the Kashmir separatists. Amma chose diplomacy and learnt the art of subtle ignore.

I have pretty thick, poker straight black hair and Ammumma was very fond of girls growing it long. Now I had other ideas. Everytime I'd moot cutting my hair short, Ammumma's voice would ring loud and clear in protest. Amma couldn't be bothered taking sides and so she let things be. But one evening, when she returned from work, she was met by her mother, in a mood to do a Thandav and sublimate her daughter ( I mean Amma's daughter!) And guess why? I had returned from college with a super short hair cut. It was not just that I'd gone and chopped off the hair, I'd got the lady at the parlour to snip if off and tie a rubber-band around it and came home brandishing it in one hand! Amma, I think didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this war of stubborn wills...

Its been over eleven years since Ammumma passed away...I can't tell you how much we miss having her around. If I could get back my childhood, I'd have definitely tried to be a more obedient grandchild. Today I realise all that she had struggled to instill in my sister and I. As a child, I thought she was too exacting, I wanted her to be like the grandmother in advertisements. She had strict standards and did not bend it for any. But thanks to those standards, my Amma and her sisters turned out into fabulous women and my sister and I literally learnt the importance of hard work and clean living - as they say what is learnt in the cradle lasts till the tomb.

Her love was not the kind that was spoken and demonstrated through indulgence. Hers was the pragmatic sorts, the kind of giving of oneself without expecting little back. I want to be like a grandmother like her someday - having a role in shaping my grandchildren's life, not just being a pleasant extra who spoke all the right dialogues that the grandchildren want to hear to gain brownie points.


29 comments:

  1. That was super duper post. Loved it for all the obvious reasons. I am like her too, can't mouth all the right dialogues for brownie points. But do you know what? Today kids couldn't care less about being disciplined in life. They want everything and right away if you please. So you will have a tough job being like her to your grandchildren. :)

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    1. Don't know why Aunty Nag, missed Ammumma so much today...I hope wherever she is, she sees that I'm waving my white flag at her and missing her terribly. It's funny how their words and their voice still seem to ring so loud in your ears years after they are just a memory? :)

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  2. Zephyr has stolen the thunder and rightfully too:) Such a loving post! May your wish of being like your grandma be fulfilled to raise your graqndchildren in the same manner as you were raised:)

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    1. Was really surprised to see her comment so soon after my posting..:) But I guess being a grandmother, she realises where this post is coming from..:) Thank you for your words of encouragement..:)

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  3. Awww! big hugs to you...I didnt live with my Grandmom, but she sure is the strict one even today!

    Err...you have long big thick straight hair...Gah! go I am jealous!!

    @Zephyr: The way you dealt with R, I love you for that..exactly how my Amma does...no unnecessary pampering and yet teaching her that lovely game on drawing on the back..did I mention I love you :)

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    1. My Dear R, Thick black hair...no long no more...so don't go getting overly jealous..its very run of the mill, just not very Malayali..;) As for this love note for Zephyr, Aunty Nag, do you have a fan club across India or is it a Mumbai phenomenon?? :p

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    2. Lady,Cyber Nag Fan Club is an international phenomenon. :D :D Isn't it so Zephyr?

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    3. Haha, I love this endorsement of the spread of Zephyr's fan club...wonder when Zephyr will endorse her immense popularity ;) !

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    4. I feel blessed to loved by so many young'uns! Sniff sniff....

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  4. Ah!!!And I thought mine was the only one who was strict.She simply could not accept the fact I was budding-brat.

    I kind of love the she loves me.Never saying it explicitly but always there to watch over me and in many a case protect me from Amma's wrath!

    And about your hair,I wouldn't have got home the snipped hair tied in a rubber-band.Jeez!!!

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    1. Blue Lotus, that's why I said I'm waving my white flag of truce at Ammumma...I mean didn't I say I was quite a handful to deal with? And what I didn't mention was the earful I got from Ammumma...She was heartbroken..and Amma also got a dose of her mind I think when she dared say the cut looked better on my face than long hair..:)

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    2. Bless your amma for her practical comment. My mother never forgave me for my short hair which I started sporting well into my 30s because of a headache issue.

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    3. Amma, even today is very practical, like she says, its your hair, your face and you who have to maintain it..:)

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  5. And R's Mom, R is such a wonderfully affectionate child that it is not hard not to love her and when one loves a child, that means not pampering but loving :)

    And I love you both too and of course RD too :)

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    1. Duly copied and informed Rs Mom...:)

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    2. Awww! thanks thanks...

      and oh Journomuse, thanks for the mail..muah :)

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    3. Awwww...there's a lot of love floating around this post...While my ammumma, who wasn't too keen on endorsements of love, I'm sure she will be grinning, secretly happy at how much happiness a post on her is spreading..:)

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  6. Jisha Kishore Kumar17 May 2012 at 00:04

    A huge huge hug comes your way for this post....you made me salivate to fly to my Ammamma’s place. She is so silent and reserved but we used to get along very well. I was always around her for some anecdotes on her childhood..:) I miss her and my childhood too much today…:(…Loved the way you ended the post…May your wish come true..God Bless!

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    1. Sigh...its when they are no more around that you realise their value the most. But the lessons I have imbibed from her will last me a lifetime..:)Glad you enjoyed the post..

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    2. Jisha Kishore Kumar18 May 2012 at 19:28

      So true, Deepthy...*sigh*
      Btw, what should I do to get notified on your replies..??!!

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    3. Jisha, there is a way, as you see at the top right of the blog..but that also means you get spammed with all the comments coming to the blog! Will try to figure it out with the blogger domain to see if there's anything I can configure to let people who comment know when I post replies!! :)

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    4. Jisha Kishore Kumar20 May 2012 at 15:11

      Please do...thank you! I don't want to miss any of your response..:)

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    5. I have been told that you can subscribe for it at the bottom of the comment you put in, on the right end you get an option of subscribe by email. that lets you keep a track, apparently! Do check and let me know! I don't have your email to get you in to the loop..:)

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    6. Jisha Kishore Kumar22 May 2012 at 17:07

      Thanks Deepthy...unfortunately I couldn't find any such tab...for the time being, I have subscribed the "Follow by email" option as shown on the top right hand. Hope it will work! Have a nice evening!

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    7. Jisha Kishore Kumar23 May 2012 at 12:28

      Btw, my email id is jishaprabhakaran@hotmail.com..:)

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    8. Let me try to put you on the comment loop..not sure to succeed, but worth a try! :)

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  7. Deepathy, I couldnot bring myself to comment on this post before. I lost my granny just 3 weeks back. But as I read it again in a different light, I truly enjoyed it. So many memories which we share with our grandparents. They play almost the same role as our parents do! Now wondering what kind of granny I would make ? :-)

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    1. Jenny, so sorry to hear about your loss darling..I can sense you were really close to her. I think I remember reading it on one of your posts...Don't worry, wherever they are, they know they are in our hearts..:)

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  8. Thank you Deepathy.

    Keep writing, your posts are addictive.

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